This blog for all intensive purposes is supposed to be my weight loss blog... But since I can't sleep, and I'm having a big, overwhelming moment of mushy mom cheesiness, I need to get it out.
I was just thinking of my boys, and how proud I am to be their mom. And how scared I was when I got pregnant with the twins that I wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as I loved Tyler, or that I would love Tyler less. How silly was I... Little did I know I would have not one but TWO more babies to love, and that your heart doesn't shrink, it grows... Immensely. And the love I had for Tyler did change, but in a good way. I love him now as my "big boy" and treasure the first 2 1/2 years of it just being him, and learning how to be a mom with him. He taught me a lot (and still does) and amazes me all the time. As much as he has been driving me up a wall lately, he is a good, sweet kid... And when he comes up and wants a hug or a kiss and says "mama, I love lou (you) TOO MUCH!" it makes my whole day.
Jack was Baby A of the twins, and if you want to be technical, the middle child. He spent the longest time in the NICU. When he came home he was so tiny, and I feel like I took a little bit of extra care with him because of how small he was. My love for him is fierce. And now he has grown and is bigger than Noah, and one would never be able to tell he was my tiny man and spent so long in the hospital after being born. His silly laugh and big smiles and handsome eyes with the long eyelashes are just lovable and amazing. I love cuddling his baby chub and playing with his soft baby hair. He is my handsome handsome man.
Noah is my spunky little dude. He is always smiling and you can't help but smile back at him, especially with those bright blue eyes and his huge grins. He has always been the happy and jovial one of the twins (although Jack seems to be becoming more of a ham these days too!) but Noah is just very sunshiny and easygoing. The love I have for Noah just feels like giant arms trying to wrap around the whole world. He is smaller than Jack, but he is tiny and mighty. He is my sweetie pea. I am secretly obsessed with his long baby toes.
All 3 of my boys mean the world to me and then some. I can't imagine my life without them... I am so proud to be their mom, to be A mom, to have been blessed with these children. We had just finished giving them all a bath earlier and Jon and I had all the boys changed into their pajamas and they were just crawling around (or in Tyler's case, running around) our bedroom, and Jon had the Disney station playing on Pandora on my iPad. "You've Got a Friend in Me" was playing, and I was laying on my stomach on the floor looking at my husband and sons and thinking how perfect that particular moment was, how I want to remember it forever. Watching my smiling boys, looking at my amazing husband, and feeling like for those few minutes, that was absolute perfection.
And it's because of those boys that I need to get healthier and work out, so I blog here. And I start again in the morning. And I hope I get more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep tonight, but even if I do get up to comfort one of the babies at night, I will snuggle them a little longer, give them an extra kiss, because I know they won't be my little babies forever.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Off to a rough start.
So much for starting off on the right foot today. I could have done better... But I chose to bake cookies and eat them instead. I did get outside and take leaves today so I did some yard work... But I didn't go for a walk that I wanted to go on for a while now. Hopefully tomorrow I WILL walk.
This is going to be a pretty short entry, as my mind is elsewhere right now, and I am tired. I'm sure as soon as I hit the sheets and get comfortable, one of the twins will be up, as usual. It's like they can sense that I'm ready to crash and they insist that I get no sleep at all. *sigh* I seriously think lack of sleep is also contributing to my weight issues, but I'm not sure, and some might say I'm making another excuse.
Meh.
This is going to be a pretty short entry, as my mind is elsewhere right now, and I am tired. I'm sure as soon as I hit the sheets and get comfortable, one of the twins will be up, as usual. It's like they can sense that I'm ready to crash and they insist that I get no sleep at all. *sigh* I seriously think lack of sleep is also contributing to my weight issues, but I'm not sure, and some might say I'm making another excuse.
Meh.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The starting line.
I'm beginning my (hopefully last) journey of weight loss. I cannot even count how many times in my life I have begun a weight loss program or effort of some sort... How many fad diet pills I've tried, hours I've logged in the gym, miles I've ran in the past. But now that the twins will be a year old and we are 100% certain that the baby factory is closed for business, I need to lay all these excuses aside and get on top of this mess.
I've also blogged in the past... Long before blogging became "trendy". (Yes, it's true. I had my first blog on Xanga nearly 13 years ago, migrated to LiveJournal for a time, returned to Xanga, discovered the Blogspot community, and here I am.) I plan to keep this pretty consistent, but we shall see. If I gain a mass of followers, that would be pretty cool. If not, I'm doing this for ME first and foremost, to hold myself accountable, to learn from my own mistakes, to remember how I felt on this journey. Those are my most important reasons for putting these words on this page. Oh, and for the vulnerability factor, too. Since anybody can access this page, I don't know who might come across it, and that's fine with me.
But back to the point.
I had a few excuses as to why I didn't want to start a weight loss program after I gave birth to the twins. My main excuse was because I was breastfeeding, and didn't want to mess up my supply by starting a diet or working out. So I did nothing, and consequently that LITERALLY weighed me down. Jack and Noah will be a year old on the 24th of this month. Although they are still breastfeeding, I NEED to lose this weight and get healthier. Not only for myself, but for them (and Tyler, their big brother) as well. My boys need a healthy mama they can depend on.
I went to the VA clinic in Broward County, FL earlier this year. They had done some blood work on me and my cholesterol levels were through the roof. Like DANGEROUSLY high. The nurse practitioner didn't want to put me on meds because of me still breastfeeding, but said we would reevaluate later in the year. This was back in May. I do NOT want to take cholesterol meds for the rest of my life. I'm only 27 years old... And it's a damn shame that my health is so awful. What kind of example am I for my children? And how will I be a good wife to my husband if I don't even take care of myself? I know he misses the woman he first met and fell in love with... I would like to return to that physical state (even though we have grown emotionally). So the cholesterol levels need to get lower. I'm not sure of the exact numbers but I will find them and add them here, too.
So tomorrow morning I start this journey with my first baby step forward. I will post my beginning stats as well. I must keep myself accountable. And I hope this blog will see me through to my final goal.
I've also blogged in the past... Long before blogging became "trendy". (Yes, it's true. I had my first blog on Xanga nearly 13 years ago, migrated to LiveJournal for a time, returned to Xanga, discovered the Blogspot community, and here I am.) I plan to keep this pretty consistent, but we shall see. If I gain a mass of followers, that would be pretty cool. If not, I'm doing this for ME first and foremost, to hold myself accountable, to learn from my own mistakes, to remember how I felt on this journey. Those are my most important reasons for putting these words on this page. Oh, and for the vulnerability factor, too. Since anybody can access this page, I don't know who might come across it, and that's fine with me.
But back to the point.
I had a few excuses as to why I didn't want to start a weight loss program after I gave birth to the twins. My main excuse was because I was breastfeeding, and didn't want to mess up my supply by starting a diet or working out. So I did nothing, and consequently that LITERALLY weighed me down. Jack and Noah will be a year old on the 24th of this month. Although they are still breastfeeding, I NEED to lose this weight and get healthier. Not only for myself, but for them (and Tyler, their big brother) as well. My boys need a healthy mama they can depend on.
I went to the VA clinic in Broward County, FL earlier this year. They had done some blood work on me and my cholesterol levels were through the roof. Like DANGEROUSLY high. The nurse practitioner didn't want to put me on meds because of me still breastfeeding, but said we would reevaluate later in the year. This was back in May. I do NOT want to take cholesterol meds for the rest of my life. I'm only 27 years old... And it's a damn shame that my health is so awful. What kind of example am I for my children? And how will I be a good wife to my husband if I don't even take care of myself? I know he misses the woman he first met and fell in love with... I would like to return to that physical state (even though we have grown emotionally). So the cholesterol levels need to get lower. I'm not sure of the exact numbers but I will find them and add them here, too.
So tomorrow morning I start this journey with my first baby step forward. I will post my beginning stats as well. I must keep myself accountable. And I hope this blog will see me through to my final goal.
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