Can't sleep.

This blog for all intensive purposes is supposed to be my weight loss blog... But since I can't sleep, and I'm having a big, overwhelming moment of mushy mom cheesiness, I need to get it out.

I was just thinking of my boys, and how proud I am to be their mom. And how scared I was when I got pregnant with the twins that I wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as I loved Tyler, or that I would love Tyler less. How silly was I... Little did I know I would have not one but TWO more babies to love, and that your heart doesn't shrink, it grows... Immensely. And the love I had for Tyler did change, but in a good way. I love him now as my "big boy" and treasure the first 2 1/2 years of it just being him, and learning how to be a mom with him. He taught me a lot (and still does) and amazes me all the time. As much as he has been driving me up a wall lately, he is a good, sweet kid... And when he comes up and wants a hug or a kiss and says "mama, I love lou (you) TOO MUCH!" it makes my whole day.

Jack was Baby A of the twins, and if you want to be technical, the middle child. He spent the longest time in the NICU. When he came home he was so tiny, and I feel like I took a little bit of extra care with him because of how small he was. My love for him is fierce. And now he has grown and is bigger than Noah, and one would never be able to tell he was my tiny man and spent so long in the hospital after being born. His silly laugh and big smiles and handsome eyes with the long eyelashes are just lovable and amazing. I love cuddling his baby chub and playing with his soft baby hair. He is my handsome handsome man.

Noah is my spunky little dude. He is always smiling and you can't help but smile back at him, especially with those bright blue eyes and his huge grins. He has always been the happy and jovial one of the twins (although Jack seems to be becoming more of a ham these days too!) but Noah is just very sunshiny and easygoing. The love I have for Noah just feels like giant arms trying to wrap around the whole world. He is smaller than Jack, but he is tiny and mighty. He is my sweetie pea. I am secretly obsessed with his long baby toes.

All 3 of my boys mean the world to me and then some. I can't imagine my life without them... I am so proud to be their mom, to be A mom, to have been blessed with these children. We had just finished giving them all a bath earlier and Jon and I had all the boys changed into their pajamas and they were just crawling around (or in Tyler's case, running around) our bedroom, and Jon had the Disney station playing on Pandora on my iPad. "You've Got a Friend in Me" was playing, and I was laying on my stomach on the floor looking at my husband and sons and thinking how perfect that particular moment was, how I want to remember it forever. Watching my smiling boys, looking at my amazing husband, and feeling like for those few minutes, that was absolute perfection.

And it's because of those boys that I need to get healthier and work out, so I blog here. And I start again in the morning. And I hope I get more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep tonight, but even if I do get up to comfort one of the babies at night, I will snuggle them a little longer, give them an extra kiss, because I know they won't be my little babies forever.