Sharing Tyler's Story

It's been an awfully long time since I've blogged. I used to be obsessed with blogging, sometimes multiple times a day, from the time I was about 14-15 years old. Haven't had much time lately, with being busy with the kids and getting us all involved in a lot of different activities while Jon is gone, but today I felt compelled to write something that is close to my heart and is a big issue to me and most importantly, to my family at this time.

First and foremost, I believe education is INSANELY important. It's okay to agree to disagree, but I feel that it's best done with an open mind and being educated on the subject at hand. For example, some people choose to follow a religion while others don't. That's perfectly fine. Some people are Democrats, some Republicans, some whatever they choose to support. BUT... if you don't educate yourself and try to see all angles of a subject before forming your opinion, and basing that opinion off of one side to breed hate and distaste, you come off as a closed-minded bigot. Those are my feelings, maybe others share the same sentiments, but that is how I feel.

So... without further ado. Here we go.

It is no secret to many that Tyler loves all things girl-related. He loves to play with girl toys, to dress up as a princess, to watch girl cartoons. This is nothing new; he has been this way since approximately 2 years old. Around the age of 2 or so, he started an odd sort of play habit of taking a napkin or tissue and holding it in his fist and smoothing the rest of it over the back of his hand, and would say that was his "princess". He would occupy himself with his tissue princesses for hours, and I brushed it aside as "just a phase". Then he would ask for princess or girl toys. We obliged him with a Barbie (but also bought him GI Joes to even things out) and again, didn't make a big deal out of it. For his 3rd, 4th, and 5th birthdays, he asked every year to have a princess themed party. For Halloween, each of those years, he said he wanted to dress up as a princess. Family and friends said "oh, it's just a phase... I know someone's kid who was the same way and he grew out of it, don't worry!" And so we brushed it aside, some family members going as far to tell Tyler to "cut it out" and to "man up".

But something didn't sit right with me.

I would continue to oblige Tyler occasionally with a girl toy here and there (a small pony, or another Barbie, since his twin brothers would rip the heads off any action figure/doll they came across). He said on more than one occasion that he wanted to be a girl or a princess. I started to think "maybe this isn't a phase... this has been going on for YEARS. I've never heard of a phase that lasts for YEARS." It was this past week that a friend of mine on Facebook shared the video of a little boy named Ryland who is a FtM (female to male) transgendered child. The video just blew all the doors open in my mind and made me see more clearly that this could be Tyler, only MtF (male to female). Ryland and his family were featured on Good Morning America this week. I reached out and joined a private Facebook group for parents of transgendered children to ask questions, get answers, and most importantly, seek support from others who had maybe been down a similar path as mine. I dove into research and poured over articles and websites devoted to children with similar traits to Tyler.

I have scheduled a consult with his pediatrician for later this month for a behavioral evaluation and we will go from there. I am not an expert, so I hope I can be pointed in the right direction for resources and find more strength and courage for myself and Tyler.

Let me just say, though, that this has not been easy for me. Some people are of the opinion that I'm forcing this upon Tyler (I'm not; in fact, I'm one of the least girly people I know! I grew up very much tomboy-ish, and played little league where I was the only girl on the team). It's not easy being a parent and having no knowledge of this type of scenario, what to do, worrying about what other people will think of your child or scrutinizing your parenting techniques and making comments or stares. But at the end of the day, I figured screw it, Tyler's happiness is what is most important. And I'm his mother, and I will love him fiercely forever, whatever gender he chooses to identify with and no matter what clothes he wears or toys he plays with. So I've resolved myself to not caring about others' opinions.

Tyler graduated preschool tonight. He wanted to wear a dress to his graduation ceremony, and begged me all day to get one. When I picked him up from school this afternoon his teachers were all in support of him if he did choose to wear a dress. So off to Target we went, and I walked in with so many mixed feelings. Some sadness and confusion, worry, and hesitation... but also a little bit of excitement, because I've never gotten to go "girly shopping" for a little girl before, so I was looking forward to it a tiny bit. Tyler chose a pinkish-yellow dress covered in flowers (because it was beautiful, he said) and we chose a pair of brown sandals with a flower on each foot. He wore that dress proudly to his graduation ceremony, and twirled happily in it. The smile on his face made my heart absolutely melt. I was worried that I'd have to put on the mama bear defence at the ceremony, but as it turns out, I was so focused on Tyler and how proud I was of him that I didn't notice whether or not anyone made comments or gave him looks. I was bawling like a baby and beaming with pride. When the ceremony was over and I went to get him from the back room, his teachers told me they were so proud of him and let me know I was doing a good job as a mom for letting Tyler be who he wanted to be. That set me off and the tears were flowing again.

So who, exactly, is Tyler now? I'm not even sure. This is a journey we will take one day at a time, but my eyes have been opened up and I've seen the pure joy on his face when letting him embrace his My Little Ponies, twirling in his dress, and wearing his princess crown. Whatever gender Tyler chooses to identify with, I support him 100%. I am proud of him and I love him immensely. Oh, and by the way, gender identity and sexual orientation are two completely different subjects. At this time, since Tyler is only 5 years old, we are not exploring those "labels". Whether or not he will be gay, straight, bi, or something else, is not important right now, and regardless, that is HIS choice and not ours to judge.

To those who don't agree with this decision to let Tyler explore and be who he wants, I say you may kindly remove yourselves from our lives. If you choose to be nosy anyway and make nasty comments about Tyler, and/or the way he is raised behind our backs, that's your prerogative, but it will not change a thing about the way we feel, and I certainly won't be losing any sleep over the naysayers and the nastiness that I'm sure may come about because of this. I'll have plenty more to write about and share regarding this journey, but for now, here you have it. Tyler's "coming out" story. If anyone does have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I don't mind answering!

In the meantime, until I blog again (hopefully sooner rather than later), I've included some links to resources for anyone who wants to educate themselves on this subject. (See paragraph 2!). And I ask that "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

Ryland's Story (a YouTube video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAHCqnux2fk

Genderspectrum.org (a great site full of many resources to educate family, friends, and anyone seeking more depth on the subject of gender):
http://www.genderspectrum.org

A quick link to FAQ on the Gender Spectrum website:
https://www.genderspectrum.org/about/faq

PFLAG National:
http://www.pflag.com