It's been an awfully long time since I've blogged. I used to be obsessed with blogging, sometimes multiple times a day, from the time I was about 14-15 years old. Haven't had much time lately, with being busy with the kids and getting us all involved in a lot of different activities while Jon is gone, but today I felt compelled to write something that is close to my heart and is a big issue to me and most importantly, to my family at this time.
First and foremost, I believe education is INSANELY important. It's okay to agree to disagree, but I feel that it's best done with an open mind and being educated on the subject at hand. For example, some people choose to follow a religion while others don't. That's perfectly fine. Some people are Democrats, some Republicans, some whatever they choose to support. BUT... if you don't educate yourself and try to see all angles of a subject before forming your opinion, and basing that opinion off of one side to breed hate and distaste, you come off as a closed-minded bigot. Those are my feelings, maybe others share the same sentiments, but that is how I feel.
So... without further ado. Here we go.
It is no secret to many that Tyler loves all things girl-related. He loves to play with girl toys, to dress up as a princess, to watch girl cartoons. This is nothing new; he has been this way since approximately 2 years old. Around the age of 2 or so, he started an odd sort of play habit of taking a napkin or tissue and holding it in his fist and smoothing the rest of it over the back of his hand, and would say that was his "princess". He would occupy himself with his tissue princesses for hours, and I brushed it aside as "just a phase". Then he would ask for princess or girl toys. We obliged him with a Barbie (but also bought him GI Joes to even things out) and again, didn't make a big deal out of it. For his 3rd, 4th, and 5th birthdays, he asked every year to have a princess themed party. For Halloween, each of those years, he said he wanted to dress up as a princess. Family and friends said "oh, it's just a phase... I know someone's kid who was the same way and he grew out of it, don't worry!" And so we brushed it aside, some family members going as far to tell Tyler to "cut it out" and to "man up".
But something didn't sit right with me.
I would continue to oblige Tyler occasionally with a girl toy here and there (a small pony, or another Barbie, since his twin brothers would rip the heads off any action figure/doll they came across). He said on more than one occasion that he wanted to be a girl or a princess. I started to think "maybe this isn't a phase... this has been going on for YEARS. I've never heard of a phase that lasts for YEARS." It was this past week that a friend of mine on Facebook shared the video of a little boy named Ryland who is a FtM (female to male) transgendered child. The video just blew all the doors open in my mind and made me see more clearly that this could be Tyler, only MtF (male to female). Ryland and his family were featured on Good Morning America this week. I reached out and joined a private Facebook group for parents of transgendered children to ask questions, get answers, and most importantly, seek support from others who had maybe been down a similar path as mine. I dove into research and poured over articles and websites devoted to children with similar traits to Tyler.
I have scheduled a consult with his pediatrician for later this month for a behavioral evaluation and we will go from there. I am not an expert, so I hope I can be pointed in the right direction for resources and find more strength and courage for myself and Tyler.
Let me just say, though, that this has not been easy for me. Some people are of the opinion that I'm forcing this upon Tyler (I'm not; in fact, I'm one of the least girly people I know! I grew up very much tomboy-ish, and played little league where I was the only girl on the team). It's not easy being a parent and having no knowledge of this type of scenario, what to do, worrying about what other people will think of your child or scrutinizing your parenting techniques and making comments or stares. But at the end of the day, I figured screw it, Tyler's happiness is what is most important. And I'm his mother, and I will love him fiercely forever, whatever gender he chooses to identify with and no matter what clothes he wears or toys he plays with. So I've resolved myself to not caring about others' opinions.
Tyler graduated preschool tonight. He wanted to wear a dress to his graduation ceremony, and begged me all day to get one. When I picked him up from school this afternoon his teachers were all in support of him if he did choose to wear a dress. So off to Target we went, and I walked in with so many mixed feelings. Some sadness and confusion, worry, and hesitation... but also a little bit of excitement, because I've never gotten to go "girly shopping" for a little girl before, so I was looking forward to it a tiny bit. Tyler chose a pinkish-yellow dress covered in flowers (because it was beautiful, he said) and we chose a pair of brown sandals with a flower on each foot. He wore that dress proudly to his graduation ceremony, and twirled happily in it. The smile on his face made my heart absolutely melt. I was worried that I'd have to put on the mama bear defence at the ceremony, but as it turns out, I was so focused on Tyler and how proud I was of him that I didn't notice whether or not anyone made comments or gave him looks. I was bawling like a baby and beaming with pride. When the ceremony was over and I went to get him from the back room, his teachers told me they were so proud of him and let me know I was doing a good job as a mom for letting Tyler be who he wanted to be. That set me off and the tears were flowing again.
So who, exactly, is Tyler now? I'm not even sure. This is a journey we will take one day at a time, but my eyes have been opened up and I've seen the pure joy on his face when letting him embrace his My Little Ponies, twirling in his dress, and wearing his princess crown. Whatever gender Tyler chooses to identify with, I support him 100%. I am proud of him and I love him immensely. Oh, and by the way, gender identity and sexual orientation are two completely different subjects. At this time, since Tyler is only 5 years old, we are not exploring those "labels". Whether or not he will be gay, straight, bi, or something else, is not important right now, and regardless, that is HIS choice and not ours to judge.
To those who don't agree with this decision to let Tyler explore and be who he wants, I say you may kindly remove yourselves from our lives. If you choose to be nosy anyway and make nasty comments about Tyler, and/or the way he is raised behind our backs, that's your prerogative, but it will not change a thing about the way we feel, and I certainly won't be losing any sleep over the naysayers and the nastiness that I'm sure may come about because of this. I'll have plenty more to write about and share regarding this journey, but for now, here you have it. Tyler's "coming out" story. If anyone does have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I don't mind answering!
In the meantime, until I blog again (hopefully sooner rather than later), I've included some links to resources for anyone who wants to educate themselves on this subject. (See paragraph 2!). And I ask that "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".
Ryland's Story (a YouTube video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAHCqnux2fk
Genderspectrum.org (a great site full of many resources to educate family, friends, and anyone seeking more depth on the subject of gender):
http://www.genderspectrum.org
A quick link to FAQ on the Gender Spectrum website:
https://www.genderspectrum.org/about/faq
PFLAG National:
http://www.pflag.com
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Can't sleep.
This blog for all intensive purposes is supposed to be my weight loss blog... But since I can't sleep, and I'm having a big, overwhelming moment of mushy mom cheesiness, I need to get it out.
I was just thinking of my boys, and how proud I am to be their mom. And how scared I was when I got pregnant with the twins that I wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as I loved Tyler, or that I would love Tyler less. How silly was I... Little did I know I would have not one but TWO more babies to love, and that your heart doesn't shrink, it grows... Immensely. And the love I had for Tyler did change, but in a good way. I love him now as my "big boy" and treasure the first 2 1/2 years of it just being him, and learning how to be a mom with him. He taught me a lot (and still does) and amazes me all the time. As much as he has been driving me up a wall lately, he is a good, sweet kid... And when he comes up and wants a hug or a kiss and says "mama, I love lou (you) TOO MUCH!" it makes my whole day.
Jack was Baby A of the twins, and if you want to be technical, the middle child. He spent the longest time in the NICU. When he came home he was so tiny, and I feel like I took a little bit of extra care with him because of how small he was. My love for him is fierce. And now he has grown and is bigger than Noah, and one would never be able to tell he was my tiny man and spent so long in the hospital after being born. His silly laugh and big smiles and handsome eyes with the long eyelashes are just lovable and amazing. I love cuddling his baby chub and playing with his soft baby hair. He is my handsome handsome man.
Noah is my spunky little dude. He is always smiling and you can't help but smile back at him, especially with those bright blue eyes and his huge grins. He has always been the happy and jovial one of the twins (although Jack seems to be becoming more of a ham these days too!) but Noah is just very sunshiny and easygoing. The love I have for Noah just feels like giant arms trying to wrap around the whole world. He is smaller than Jack, but he is tiny and mighty. He is my sweetie pea. I am secretly obsessed with his long baby toes.
All 3 of my boys mean the world to me and then some. I can't imagine my life without them... I am so proud to be their mom, to be A mom, to have been blessed with these children. We had just finished giving them all a bath earlier and Jon and I had all the boys changed into their pajamas and they were just crawling around (or in Tyler's case, running around) our bedroom, and Jon had the Disney station playing on Pandora on my iPad. "You've Got a Friend in Me" was playing, and I was laying on my stomach on the floor looking at my husband and sons and thinking how perfect that particular moment was, how I want to remember it forever. Watching my smiling boys, looking at my amazing husband, and feeling like for those few minutes, that was absolute perfection.
And it's because of those boys that I need to get healthier and work out, so I blog here. And I start again in the morning. And I hope I get more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep tonight, but even if I do get up to comfort one of the babies at night, I will snuggle them a little longer, give them an extra kiss, because I know they won't be my little babies forever.
I was just thinking of my boys, and how proud I am to be their mom. And how scared I was when I got pregnant with the twins that I wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as I loved Tyler, or that I would love Tyler less. How silly was I... Little did I know I would have not one but TWO more babies to love, and that your heart doesn't shrink, it grows... Immensely. And the love I had for Tyler did change, but in a good way. I love him now as my "big boy" and treasure the first 2 1/2 years of it just being him, and learning how to be a mom with him. He taught me a lot (and still does) and amazes me all the time. As much as he has been driving me up a wall lately, he is a good, sweet kid... And when he comes up and wants a hug or a kiss and says "mama, I love lou (you) TOO MUCH!" it makes my whole day.
Jack was Baby A of the twins, and if you want to be technical, the middle child. He spent the longest time in the NICU. When he came home he was so tiny, and I feel like I took a little bit of extra care with him because of how small he was. My love for him is fierce. And now he has grown and is bigger than Noah, and one would never be able to tell he was my tiny man and spent so long in the hospital after being born. His silly laugh and big smiles and handsome eyes with the long eyelashes are just lovable and amazing. I love cuddling his baby chub and playing with his soft baby hair. He is my handsome handsome man.
Noah is my spunky little dude. He is always smiling and you can't help but smile back at him, especially with those bright blue eyes and his huge grins. He has always been the happy and jovial one of the twins (although Jack seems to be becoming more of a ham these days too!) but Noah is just very sunshiny and easygoing. The love I have for Noah just feels like giant arms trying to wrap around the whole world. He is smaller than Jack, but he is tiny and mighty. He is my sweetie pea. I am secretly obsessed with his long baby toes.
All 3 of my boys mean the world to me and then some. I can't imagine my life without them... I am so proud to be their mom, to be A mom, to have been blessed with these children. We had just finished giving them all a bath earlier and Jon and I had all the boys changed into their pajamas and they were just crawling around (or in Tyler's case, running around) our bedroom, and Jon had the Disney station playing on Pandora on my iPad. "You've Got a Friend in Me" was playing, and I was laying on my stomach on the floor looking at my husband and sons and thinking how perfect that particular moment was, how I want to remember it forever. Watching my smiling boys, looking at my amazing husband, and feeling like for those few minutes, that was absolute perfection.
And it's because of those boys that I need to get healthier and work out, so I blog here. And I start again in the morning. And I hope I get more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep tonight, but even if I do get up to comfort one of the babies at night, I will snuggle them a little longer, give them an extra kiss, because I know they won't be my little babies forever.
Off to a rough start.
So much for starting off on the right foot today. I could have done better... But I chose to bake cookies and eat them instead. I did get outside and take leaves today so I did some yard work... But I didn't go for a walk that I wanted to go on for a while now. Hopefully tomorrow I WILL walk.
This is going to be a pretty short entry, as my mind is elsewhere right now, and I am tired. I'm sure as soon as I hit the sheets and get comfortable, one of the twins will be up, as usual. It's like they can sense that I'm ready to crash and they insist that I get no sleep at all. *sigh* I seriously think lack of sleep is also contributing to my weight issues, but I'm not sure, and some might say I'm making another excuse.
Meh.
This is going to be a pretty short entry, as my mind is elsewhere right now, and I am tired. I'm sure as soon as I hit the sheets and get comfortable, one of the twins will be up, as usual. It's like they can sense that I'm ready to crash and they insist that I get no sleep at all. *sigh* I seriously think lack of sleep is also contributing to my weight issues, but I'm not sure, and some might say I'm making another excuse.
Meh.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The starting line.
I'm beginning my (hopefully last) journey of weight loss. I cannot even count how many times in my life I have begun a weight loss program or effort of some sort... How many fad diet pills I've tried, hours I've logged in the gym, miles I've ran in the past. But now that the twins will be a year old and we are 100% certain that the baby factory is closed for business, I need to lay all these excuses aside and get on top of this mess.
I've also blogged in the past... Long before blogging became "trendy". (Yes, it's true. I had my first blog on Xanga nearly 13 years ago, migrated to LiveJournal for a time, returned to Xanga, discovered the Blogspot community, and here I am.) I plan to keep this pretty consistent, but we shall see. If I gain a mass of followers, that would be pretty cool. If not, I'm doing this for ME first and foremost, to hold myself accountable, to learn from my own mistakes, to remember how I felt on this journey. Those are my most important reasons for putting these words on this page. Oh, and for the vulnerability factor, too. Since anybody can access this page, I don't know who might come across it, and that's fine with me.
But back to the point.
I had a few excuses as to why I didn't want to start a weight loss program after I gave birth to the twins. My main excuse was because I was breastfeeding, and didn't want to mess up my supply by starting a diet or working out. So I did nothing, and consequently that LITERALLY weighed me down. Jack and Noah will be a year old on the 24th of this month. Although they are still breastfeeding, I NEED to lose this weight and get healthier. Not only for myself, but for them (and Tyler, their big brother) as well. My boys need a healthy mama they can depend on.
I went to the VA clinic in Broward County, FL earlier this year. They had done some blood work on me and my cholesterol levels were through the roof. Like DANGEROUSLY high. The nurse practitioner didn't want to put me on meds because of me still breastfeeding, but said we would reevaluate later in the year. This was back in May. I do NOT want to take cholesterol meds for the rest of my life. I'm only 27 years old... And it's a damn shame that my health is so awful. What kind of example am I for my children? And how will I be a good wife to my husband if I don't even take care of myself? I know he misses the woman he first met and fell in love with... I would like to return to that physical state (even though we have grown emotionally). So the cholesterol levels need to get lower. I'm not sure of the exact numbers but I will find them and add them here, too.
So tomorrow morning I start this journey with my first baby step forward. I will post my beginning stats as well. I must keep myself accountable. And I hope this blog will see me through to my final goal.
I've also blogged in the past... Long before blogging became "trendy". (Yes, it's true. I had my first blog on Xanga nearly 13 years ago, migrated to LiveJournal for a time, returned to Xanga, discovered the Blogspot community, and here I am.) I plan to keep this pretty consistent, but we shall see. If I gain a mass of followers, that would be pretty cool. If not, I'm doing this for ME first and foremost, to hold myself accountable, to learn from my own mistakes, to remember how I felt on this journey. Those are my most important reasons for putting these words on this page. Oh, and for the vulnerability factor, too. Since anybody can access this page, I don't know who might come across it, and that's fine with me.
But back to the point.
I had a few excuses as to why I didn't want to start a weight loss program after I gave birth to the twins. My main excuse was because I was breastfeeding, and didn't want to mess up my supply by starting a diet or working out. So I did nothing, and consequently that LITERALLY weighed me down. Jack and Noah will be a year old on the 24th of this month. Although they are still breastfeeding, I NEED to lose this weight and get healthier. Not only for myself, but for them (and Tyler, their big brother) as well. My boys need a healthy mama they can depend on.
I went to the VA clinic in Broward County, FL earlier this year. They had done some blood work on me and my cholesterol levels were through the roof. Like DANGEROUSLY high. The nurse practitioner didn't want to put me on meds because of me still breastfeeding, but said we would reevaluate later in the year. This was back in May. I do NOT want to take cholesterol meds for the rest of my life. I'm only 27 years old... And it's a damn shame that my health is so awful. What kind of example am I for my children? And how will I be a good wife to my husband if I don't even take care of myself? I know he misses the woman he first met and fell in love with... I would like to return to that physical state (even though we have grown emotionally). So the cholesterol levels need to get lower. I'm not sure of the exact numbers but I will find them and add them here, too.
So tomorrow morning I start this journey with my first baby step forward. I will post my beginning stats as well. I must keep myself accountable. And I hope this blog will see me through to my final goal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)